Laura Birks, based in New Jersey happens to be a freelance writer. She’s a mom who has dedicated her days writing and chasing around her twin boys, four years of age. However, the last month, she shook the Internet with an eye-opening letter, which was addressed to her husband.
She wrote this letter because she felt it necessary to explain to the person that she wasn’t the same person as he had married. The endless chores, the long nights of staying up with the kids, and the endless laundry lists along with all the other responsibilities of a mother has changed her as a person as well as their relationship.
Have a glance at her thoughts, which is neatly written in the post below so that you can learn from her wisdom!
I am sorry.
I am sorry as you have been neglected by me for the last 4 ½ years. I am extremely sorry to say that your needs have become secondary to me, although I can assure you that you are still one of my top priorities, but not at the top of the list anymore.
You have your needs, your dreams your desires stop so, when I tell you that I would want to lean on you, I really mean it. I do know that you get tired of my excuses about being tired, or having a headache, or already belting out a snore you were trying to snuggle next to me. However, trust me if I had the energy I had five years ago things would have been different. In fact, I sometimes wish that I had the energy that I had about two weeks ago when I was washing then loads of laundry, and then folding them and putting them away. Of course, I did not let you see that as you needed your sleep.
There are some days when I feel that we are in a business partnership. Yes, you are correct, there are many days that feel that way. However, know that I would always want our marriage to be better, as together, we are extremely good.
My main problem lies with my brain, my current life and body which is so wrapped up in becoming a mother to the little boys that even when they are fast asleep, and we are watching a movie on the couch, my brain still thinks of the motherly activities.
I am constantly thinking about the next day; I have started thinking about what would happen 10 years from now. I keep thinking about your work clothes that you would wear tomorrow, about money, as well as milk and important milestones. Do we have milk? I simply cannot turn off from being a mother; it is an integral part of why I am. And I can assure you, it is very exhausting, physically, mentally and emotionally.
I do not want you to think that you are not as important in my life as you once were. It would be impossible for me to live this life without you, and in fact, I do not want to either. But the simple fact remains that you are an adult, and you are free to do things for yourself. You can make your own lunch, you can vote, you can drive a car, and you can even go to a doctor’s appointment.
Unfortunately, when you come home from your work, you are witnessing the worst version of me. I always provide the best for our children. Here is a little secret; there are some days in which there is no better version of me. It just cannot be that way.
I simply cannot start worrying about your health, the health of the boys as well as the health of the pet along with my health. So, would you think misses out? It’s obviously not you, neither our children nor pets. So, when I say I don’t feel well, it is because I haven’t been taking care of myself.
Yes, you can tell me to visit a doctor, to start eating better, to drink water, but to be frank; I am my own’s last priority. I do know I need to change that viewpoint, but I am not complaining, merely stating that when somebody has to sacrifice something, I am the only person that does it.
I am extremely worried about your allergies; you need spasms, your sleep apnea, as well as the snotty nose that Ben has along with the rash which has been developing in Alex. I am concerned about the ears of our dog and the cost of taking him to the vet.
While I am in this thinking process, I am also worried about the fish having too much algae in the swimming tank, and that the water needs to be changed. This will keep on adding to the never-ending list of stuff that I need to do, and I will keep feeling guilty about it when I go to sleep tonight. Yes, none of this is your fault, neither am I blaming you or wishing that the things were a bit different.
Yes, you do a lot of extraordinary things for this family. You work extremely hard, you care for everyone including me, and I have begun to love you more each and every time I know that you would help someone knowing that they have nothing to give you in return. You are one of the kindest, the most loving parent that a child can have. This is the sole reason that the children cry for work. Yes, it hurts a little, but to know that you are their role model in life is me a lot of joy and pride.
I am definitely not the person that you had married 11 years ago. I have evolved into a friend, a mother, and a keeper of all the schedules in the family. I am a party planner as well as a personal shopper; I am a chef, who specializes in chicken baguettes and pasta. I am in fact a housekeeper that cannot keep a house. I am their cheerleader as well as the librarian. I am the 24 hours nurse.
Yes, I wouldn’t change anything, and I don’t want another life. I truly love you, and the life that we have created. However, please note that I am no more that spontaneous, alcohol guzzling, sexy bad girl, that you had met a few years ago. I am now a mother, and that is all I have.
Although Laura has gone through a lot of significant changes over the last four years, she has no regrets whatsoever. This apology is inspirational to help us face our life head on, and understand the person that you are turning into is a much better version than what you were yesterday.
Please share this inspirational video and spread some perspective about life!